


Atychiphobia

by MissMason123



Series: Shatt Week 2017 [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Atychiphobia, Galaxy Garrison, Garrison days, Gen, Heavy Angst, Katie is a good sister, M/M, Matt is a good friend, Miro, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Pre-Canon, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Shatt, Shatt Week 2017, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, hoo boy, this is super angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 21:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11814480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMason123/pseuds/MissMason123
Summary: Day 2: Angst - Fears, Phobias/Angst/Dark!Matt, Dark!Shiro, Dark!Shatt" “He’s the Golden Boy of the Garrison.” With things like that going around, it was beginning to niggle more and more at Matt. Constantly going around in his head, “Something’s wrong with Shiro. Something is wrong. Wrong with Shiro.” "Written for Shatt Week, thanks to the guys at shatt-week.tumblr.com for organising this!





	Atychiphobia

**Author's Note:**

> Only a day late with this one XD Here's Day 2's theme, "Angst", using the prompt, "Fears/Phobias". Enjoy, and let me know what you thought in the comments!

Matt had started to notice something was wrong with Shiro halfway through their second year at the Garrison. The workload from their instructors was becoming more and more each coming week, but that wasn’t the issue.

Shiro coped fine with it, and was in fact acing every assignment they were given. Now Matt himself wasn’t stupid, he was doing just as well as his roommate and best friend, but he was having to work so much harder.

If you were to graph the workload against the effort they put in, Matt’s line would’ve exponentially grown around February time. Shiro’s however, was plateauing steadily at the bottom of the graph.

And to be perfectly honest, their entire cohort had noticed. Whispers started going around. 

_“You hear about Shiro? He got 100% on our last weekly.”_

_“That’s nothing. He aced the exam on non-linear dynamical systems.”_

_“He’s the Golden Boy of the Garrison.”_

With things like that going around, it was beginning to niggle more and more at Matt. Constantly going around in his head, “ _Something’s wrong with Shiro. Something is wrong. Wrong with Shiro._ ”

No human was this perfect. 

XxXxXxX 

It happened one night. It was just before lights out, meaning all cadets were to remain in their rooms until the morning. Matt was walking back to his shared dorm room, the heels of his boots tapping a steady rhythm on the floor.

He turned the corner leading into the boy’s section of the onsite rooms, feet moving automatically without thought of his direction. Living in the same room, and following the same patterns for two years allowed his brain to switch off.

Everything was seemingly normal. Apart from one thing.

Matt arrived at the door to his and Shiro’s room and was about to enter when he heard it. Frowning, he leaned in closer to hear the soft noises.

Was that… Crying?

He opened the door cautiously, half expecting to see the taller man hunched over his laptop screen watching a film. Unfortunately, he was only half right. Shiro was indeed hunched over in the dark, but there wasn’t a screen in sight. He didn’t stop crying as Matt walked in, not even realising he was there.

“Shiro…” He called softly, hoping that it wouldn’t startle him too badly.

It seemed Matt wasn’t having the best luck that evening; the sound of his name shocking Shiro into an upright position on his bed. “Oh… Matt...” He sniffled lightly, roughly rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand. “You’re back early.”

“It’s nearly eleven, curfew was coming up so I had to leave the library,” he replied, his statement cementing the fact that he was _not_ early. He stepped further inside, the door sliding shut behind him. He reached for the light switch, clicking it on.

The artificial lighting was controlled with both a switch and a panel. The switch turning it on and off, and the panel to control the intensity and colour patterns. It was a godsend really; the Garrison seemed to think ahead in this case.

In the light, Matt could see how blotchy Shiro’s face had become from the crying. Tear tracks stained his cheeks, and a rivulet of snot ran from his nose. “Shiro what’s wrong?” He asked, sitting on the edge of his bed but not attempting to reach for him. Not yet.

"I’m fine. I just feel tired… Maybe a little sick too.”

“You’re an awful liar, y’know? I’ve had plenty of practice telling the difference with Katie.”

Shiro turned his face away at that. Of course, he couldn’t lie to Matt. The guy was his best friend. The pair waited in silence for a few minutes.

When he next spoke, his words were a whisper. “I can’t do it anymore Matt… I can’t live up to their expectations… I can’t be the person they want me to be…” As he spoke, he curled into himself again, arms looping around his knees.

“I don’t understand. I thought you were doing fine. You’re the valedictorian of our class.”

“Not for much longer… My grades are slipping, people are catching up to me, soon I’ll be left at the bottom of the pile. I can’t, I can’t have that… W-What would my parents think? The instructors, what a-about them?”

The taller man’s words were rushing out, stumbling over one another. His hands gripped tighter at the material of his trousers, but you could see the tremble in them. When he wasn’t speaking, his breaths were coming out rapid and stunted; like he was gasping for breath after nearly drowning.

Matt was frozen in place, having never seen the other man act this way. Was this… A regular occurrence for him? He was so well put together; strong in mind, body and spirit. All he could do was watch as the seemingly confident man fell apart in front of him. Shaking hands reached up, beginning to pull at the tuft of hair at the front of his head. At this position, you could see the tremors shaking his entire arms.

“What… What do I do?” He whispered, more to himself than to Shiro. “What can I do?” He stumbled to his feet, grabbing his phone off his desk where he’d left it earlier. He dialled the first person he could think of that could help.

“ _Hello…?_ ”

“Katie, I need your help! I think Shiro’s having a panic attack, a-and I don’t know what to do! What do I-?!”

“ _Okay Matt, first off I need_ you _to calm down for me,_ ” how his sister could be so calm, even at such a young age baffled him. “ _You can’t do anything for him unless you’re calm. Now, put me on speaker._ ”

“ _Shiro? Shiro can you hear me?_ ”

The new voice startled Shiro, getting him to stop pulling on his hair. He still shook, and his breaths were still ragged.

“ _I need you to take deep breaths for me, can you do that for me? I’m happy to help you with it._ ”

The shorter man wasn’t sure how Katie did it, but over the phone she managed to get Shiro to unfurl himself and began to settle his breathing. “ _That’s good, you’re doing really well Shiro. Matt I need you to visualise it for me, he needs to follow your rhythm._ ”

With Katie’s voice, and Matt breathing with them, they managed to calm Shiro down the whole way. He let out a shaky breath, and rubbed his face with his hands. He was so tired now.

Noticing the change in demeanour Matt smiled, thanking Katie with the promise of bringing her a new game home when he next visited, and hung up the phone. “So… Would you like to talk about this?” He asked cautiously. There was no harm in asking, since he wasn’t sure if Shiro would want to.

Shiro nodded silently, still taking in deep breaths. “We should… But, can I get some water first?” A small request, one the other man did without hesitation. He greedily drank the water down, as if he’d been stuck in the desert for years. Luckily Matt didn’t push him to talk, he’d get there eventually.

It took about five minutes to psyche himself up; when he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper, and he didn’t dare look at Matt. “I have atychiphobia… As stupid as it seems, it’s a fear of failure and defeat…”

“I guess it started as we came to the Garrison. My parents expected so much of me, but I’d never let them down… So, when everything became that much harder, I began to worry _about_ failing them…”

“Then it evolved… To letting the instructors down, to letting you and our cohort down… I didn’t want to do that, so I’ve made sure to work hard so it doesn’t happen… I don’t want to fail to meet anyone’s expectations of me…”

The sudden speech shocked Matt. He’d suspected something was wrong, but not this. “Does this…” He waved his hand in a non-committal manner, but clearly meant the events that just happened. “Happen often?”

“More and more these days…” Shiro laughed darkly. “I just bottle everything up, and it all comes out at once I guess…” He sighed, resting against the headboard of his bed. He felt even more tired now after his panic attack, and he was completely drained.

“Shiro…”

At the soft call of his name, he looked over at Matt who still had a worried look on his face. “It’s alright to make mistakes, and to not do the best at everything… People learn from mistakes. We fall, but pick ourselves back up… We can’t be perfect all the time, and I’m sure your parents understand that.”

He took a deep breath before finishing. “To err is human, after all.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I had to Google that phobia name  
> No, I don't know what non-linear dynamical systems are  
> Do I feed off the tears of the innocent, probably


End file.
